Over and over I find myself thinking. What the hell am i doing? the answer is never clear. I put one foot in front of the other and keep throwing myself at life but frankly - the gerbil on the treadmill is now limping.
what you need to do in life and what you want to do don't seem to live in the same place in this head or in the flavor of my day to day life. i know exactly what it is. not enough time for the creative. should have gotten on a different path a long time ago.
i figured out the other day that i think the problem lies in my perspective. I think life should be easy and "flowery" and simply- it is not.
Bear in mind that while I was having this monumental epiphany - my garage door opener wouldn't work so i couldn't get my car out. I misplaced my car keys whilst trying to fix the said door, was late for a bank appointment, and gotten a parking ticket the day before when i was viewing a townhouse for sale. (I believe the ticket was a sign from above. truly) I won't be moving there.
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| See how much better they can see from above than we can. i like messages from above.... alot. |
anyways - its all very humbling and exhausting.
my less than wise head (voice on the left shoulder) told the voice of reason (voice on the right shoulder) that if I changed my thinking to the perspective that life is full of road blocks and speed bumps and bad weather and cuts and bruises - then, I am pleasantly surprised to be having less trouble than expected.
The whole philosophy of it is very dr. seuss. apparently he was having the same moment as i when he wrote this.....
then i come upon things that amuse me.
In my solitude. It's a good place. It gives my head a break from itself.
So fast forward to today, Sunday July 8, 2012.
Beautiful sunny weather. Went to the beach.
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| Crescent Beach.... |
Finished reading a book, and started studying for another exam on the 12th of August. Had a nice day to relax and painted my nails, had some lunch, and people watched. You hear the funniest things around you..
So I am sleeping face down and I hear these guys on the bank above me talking about thier sandals. One guy says, " Good thing I cut my toenails - they were pretty long". Seriously. Gross. And why is one guy telling another. Girls don't even do that right?
Then I heard a funny. 2 little girls were coming back to thier towels and this beach is a bit rocky beyond the shoreline. They are complaining to the mom and she says.... "it's just that you still have your winter feet on". I thought about it - and I thought that was such a clever answer.
Another little girl later called the rocks "Angry". I so wish I don't forget to see life in its funny-ness. Kids are great for reminding us.
I also saw something that made me go... Why?..... Sorry to my Asian friends, but...... this Asian guy has a convertible and its a beautiful sunny day and he has the top up and all the windows up in his car. I figured he must be using his air conditioning but why on earth would you buy a convertible then? Makes absolutely no sense to Julie. Thier hair doesn't even move when the wind blows. Just saying. ( I work with a couple of asian guys and I know they would agree with me).
So. That was today.
In the meantime, over the past few weeks, I have bought a townhouse of my very own ( well, mine and mostly the banks really) - but anyways I did it. Huge thing for Julie. Single girl buys her own place on a meager income. There will definitely be a lot of pancakes for dinner coming up. Just the same, I am very happy to have somewhere to put my bed and feel planted I guess. And of course my twisted head thinks that if I die, my kids will have something.
So that's taken care of.
I have some pics for you.... please let me share.
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| This is the outside. |
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| Neighbors.. |
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| I am not 25 ..... at least not my house number anyways. Mine is still being finished. |
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| This is the inside of mine. Main floor. 1330 Square feet total. |
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| My bathroom. 2 sinks. Might need those one day. You never know. |
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| New stainless Fridge, stove and dishwasher. Fab. |
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| Show suite living room. But pretty big space with the balcony off. Good light. |
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| Show suite dining area off the kitchen. The little alcove could be a pantry but I am going to leave the doors off and use it some other way....... Keep the room more open. |
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| New washer/dryer. FAB! On the upper floor where the bedroooms are. Perfect. |
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| Sink so Parker can do the dishes. Ha! |
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Door is open. So come on in. Spend the nite. We will make our own fun. |
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| I can mix you a pretty drink or.... |
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| We will have tea misto's with caramel drizzle on the foam for breakfast. |
There is a back yard that is fenced for Charlie too. So now I don't have to worry about not being able to keep him.
He's so sweet and really so easy. I think I might shave off all his hair though. Can you imagine? He would have to wear sweaters.
So after I get all packed, and store my stuff in a container for almost 2 months - we will move in. Charlie will stay in White Rock with the boys while I go on a holiday with the girls from school.
So that's the next big news. Incredible vacation - really once in a lifetime probably to go on a cruise ship for 12 days through the mediterranean. Here's where we stop......
Fly to Rome and stay there in a hotel for 5 days, then board the ship and stop at - Sorrento - Capri- Amalfi Coast- Positano - Florence - Pisa - Tuscany - Portofino - then Monte Carlo, Monaco - Saint Tropez, France - Provence (Marseille), France - Ibiza, Spain - and then Barceloon, Spain where we rented an apartment for 6 days. AMAZING!
So that is why I simply cannot come out to Ontario this summer. IMPOSSIBLE!
Really I am so excited about the trip but of course worry about all this outlay of money. But I am dealing with each thing at a time and trying to keep my head straight. I have sold some of my stuff for extra mad money and so I don't have to store as much. Where there's a will there's a way it seems.
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| So I am going to one of my favorite places to take pictures and feel leather purses. To relax and be pampered on the ship with foods to delight my belly. |
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| And this is the main reason why we are staying 6 days in Spain after an on the boat/off the boat whirlwind trip..... So we can relax and laugh and talk about all we have seen, savour the moments, and thank all our lucky stars that we have had the opportunity to do it in the first place. Oh - and where am I living from the end of this month until I leave on the 17th of August? At a friends place who so generously offerred me her spare room so I could save 2 months rent to put towards all my expenses. Isn't that just the topper of it all? Such a nice gesture and makes me realize that every friend I have is so so special to me in many different ways. Generosity and kindness abounds. I love you all near and far for every card, every text, every gift, every kind word, every hug, every moment of laughter with you, every moment of tears, and every moment of growing. Out of sight - but truly never out of mind. And if each of you lived in the townhouse next to me..... we would have the kind of neighborhood I could only dream of. Big smooch. J. |
